It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
