well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
