You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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