who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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