and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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