Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
