I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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