I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
