That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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