my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
