i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
