So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love you. Go after that dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
