Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sarcasm needs its own font
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
