Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Randomize
