Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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