adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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