i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize