I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
