hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
