All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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