i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dear god my vagina.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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