i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
