ugly people sure do ruin things
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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