Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
