You work out of a Hotel?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
