I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
