Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
