he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
