oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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