it wasn't lemon gatorade
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
