highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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