Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
