next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
