Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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