She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
