Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
