Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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