....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
