"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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