all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
