erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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