I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
