Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
