I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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