so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she pinky promised me she was 18
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize