I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
