i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
