they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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