dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
