Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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