pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
