you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
