Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
