I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
