That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
