when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize