you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
