I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
