Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
