pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
