yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
