Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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