Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize