So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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