So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
