Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
