He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
