Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize