it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
