Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
