North Korea, Best Korea!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
