No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
