you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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