I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
