I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
