Last Night in Texas (281)

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Btw I puked in your glovebox

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Umm okay. What are they doing?

  (281): View more from Texas

  They’re in the hot tub

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  Can I get divorced when I grow up?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.

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  As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Did he pick you up in a mini van?

  (281): View more from Texas

  Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy

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• (281): View more from Texas

  She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I am a taco. I am also really high.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous

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• (281): View more from Texas

  So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????

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