We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
