got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
last night I used snow as a chaser
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
