i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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