I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
