So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
