That's intense
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
