did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
