So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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