Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
