no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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