Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize