Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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