im having a threesome with these popsicles
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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