After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
