i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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