Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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