Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
