Someone shit on the floor
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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