I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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