apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize