just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize