Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this hospital has no fireball
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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