Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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