The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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