Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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