This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
