my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
