Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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