i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
