when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
