Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize