seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
