i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
