The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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