so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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