I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize